Being a Parent

Most anyone will agree with me when I say having a child changes your life in a way you can't imagine until you experience it. When your child is born something happens to you, a transformation if you will. In a instant your body mind and soul goes into your child. You don't just have your own feelings, now you feel what this little person feels. When they are happy you feel it. When they are sad, you feel it. It's not a conscious thing either. It can't be helped. You can't get away from it. You'll never be the same again. As your child grows so do you. It doesn't matter if you have a good kid or a bad kid. The feelings are there forever. Most of us go through child rearing with little drama. They grow into young adults, go off to college and make a life for themselves. But it's your life too. It is impossible to separate yourself from this person. Of course you try, you let them make decisions but deep inside you want to protect them from the world. You want to make sure they are happy and don't have pain or struggles. Of course that's part of growing up. But if your a parent you would be lying if you said you still don't feel it and want it every time they do. It's unexplainable. As I write this I think of my boys. My older one, still a mystery to me most of the time. For the most part I dream of the day I don't have to take care of him, and then the other side of me steps up and thinks "oh god" can I let go, can I do this? I wish I had the answers to that question. When he feels pain I feel it 10 times more, joy is the same as well. Then you have the younger one. Miracle would be the best way to describe what this kid is to me. Miracles do happen. I see him and I try to step out of my body and look at him like a grown man, taking care of business, living the dream with the highs & the lows. But I can't help it. I feel everything he does. I don't want to, I want to let him go, experience life but I just can't. Of course he doesn't know I feel this way. He won't until he has his own children. Only then do you really understand how that little seed and little egg when the two meet will change the very person that you are. You will never be the same again. I have been asking myself lately what my purpose is in life. I'm halfway finished, raised my kids as best I could. I've made mistakes and many good decisions too. But now what. What's in store for me. I have to step back, let them learn, let them feel the pain and the joy. But I'll always feel it 10 times more than they do. Being a parent is probably the biggest thing you will ever do in your life. Nothing can compare to your beliefs, thoughts, ideals, opinions and the guidance you will instill in this person. You have an incredible responsibility and it's 24 hour 7 day a week job. It's amazing that so many of us turn out okay. Not everyone can pull it off, can raise their children to be young adults. Many of you don't get the opportunity because of something that happens along the way. Sickness, death, wrong decisions. No matter what path they take or what disability they have, you can't help it. The love you feel for them is so overpowering, so strong it overrules anything else that seems reasonable. It's a ride like non other. So, for us that are nearing the end of the ride and those that are just beginning. Buckle up. It is the ride of your life.