bluemellie

Being a Parent

2009-04-27T20:56:00.002-05:00

Most anyone will agree with me when I say having a child changes your life in a way you can't imagine until you experience it. When your child is born something happens to you, a transformation if you will. In a instant your body mind and soul goes into your child. You don't just have your own feelings, now you feel what this little person feels. When they are happy you feel it. When they are sad, you feel it. It's not a conscious thing either. It can't be helped. You can't get away from it. You'll never be the same again. As your child grows so do you. It doesn't matter if you have a good kid or a bad kid. The feelings are there forever. Most of us go through child rearing with little drama. They grow into young adults, go off to college and make a life for themselves. But it's your life too. It is impossible to separate yourself from this person. Of course you try, you let them make decisions but deep inside you want to protect them from the world. You want to make sure they are happy and don't have pain or struggles. Of course that's part of growing up. But if your a parent you would be lying if you said you still don't feel it and want it every time they do. It's unexplainable. As I write this I think of my boys. My older one, still a mystery to me most of the time. For the most part I dream of the day I don't have to take care of him, and then the other side of me steps up and thinks "oh god" can I let go, can I do this? I wish I had the answers to that question. When he feels pain I feel it 10 times more, joy is the same as well. Then you have the younger one. Miracle would be the best way to describe what this kid is to me. Miracles do happen. I see him and I try to step out of my body and look at him like a grown man, taking care of business, living the dream with the highs & the lows. But I can't help it. I feel everything he does. I don't want to, I want to let him go, experience life but I just can't. Of course he doesn't know I feel this way. He won't until he has his own children. Only then do you really understand how that little seed and little egg when the two meet will change the very person that you are. You will never be the same again. I have been asking myself lately what my purpose is in life. I'm halfway finished, raised my kids as best I could. I've made mistakes and many good decisions too. But now what. What's in store for me. I have to step back, let them learn, let them feel the pain and the joy. But I'll always feel it 10 times more than they do. Being a parent is probably the biggest thing you will ever do in your life. Nothing can compare to your beliefs, thoughts, ideals, opinions and the guidance you will instill in this person. You have an incredible responsibility and it's 24 hour 7 day a week job. It's amazing that so many of us turn out okay. Not everyone can pull it off, can raise their children to be young adults. Many of you don't get the opportunity because of something that happens along the way. Sickness, death, wrong decisions. No matter what path they take or what disability they have, you can't help it. The love you feel for them is so overpowering, so strong it overrules anything else that seems reasonable. It's a ride like non other. So, for us that are nearing the end of the ride and those that are just beginning. Buckle up. It is the ride of your life.

MId Life Crisis?

2009-04-22T05:24:00.002-05:00

I'm wondering if I'm going through a mid life crisis. Do women experience that sort of thing? Lately I question my purpose on this lovely earth. What am I supposed to be doing. I ask myself all the time if getting up, going to work, coming home & going to bed will be what I do for the rest of my life. I am unfulfilled. Something is missing and I can't put my finger on it.
I can't sleep lately and wake up often in the middle of the night. I know menopause is a big part of how I feel. Geez, I have gained so much weight and can't get it off no matter how much I exercise. I feel so down on myself because of that. Dr. Phil says I'm low on testosterone. Hum, guess I better get me some steroids and fix that. Or I h ave been told Bio Identical.
Part of my anxiety is the fact that Joe is graduating in about 6 weeks. I have to pinch myself to remember that life will turn upside down when this happens. I think I keep putting it out of my head or tell myself "you've got time to deal with this" because I don't want to deal with it. Honestly, this scares the crap out of me. I am terrified as to what will happen when he does not get on that bus on June 8th. This is a time where I have to practice "let go & let god". I keep telling myself I have to have faith.
I'll just have to sit back and see what happens. :)

2009-04-18T13:00:00.003-05:00

'sIt's saturday afternoon. Drove to Kennedale this morning to check on my mom's house. It's looking much better. Another 2 -3 weeks and we will moving her in.
Been triplet shopping today too. Going to pass on the baby shower and join the Newhouse family for dinner. More my kind of thing. Can't wait to see all the cute baby things they get.
My kid is in Stillwater OK with Baylor baseball team. Tells me he may end up in Oregon for playoffs. What a lucky kids. Gotta pinch myself, I did something right.
The Big Guy is still having a good week. No aggression and a pretty decent mood so far today.
We've been shopping all morning. Came home to plant my tomato's in my greenhouse. Dang that greenhouse is cute and I'm going to have so much fun in it.
Learned something this week, well I already knew but it was confirmed again.
Men, they are so funny. They continue to believe that most younger women "want" to marry an older guy because they love them. Reality is the younger women want a guy to take care of them. What a sad reality. Guess it will never change. Guys are so intimidated by successful, well adjusted women that don't need a man but want a man. I'm telling you, it's the way to go guys. You would get "lucky" alot more often if you tried that route. Younger women will hook you into marrying them and then treat you like a stepchild. Hey guys, if she has kids and let's you sleep over without any regard to what her kids might think, she a golddigger. But doesn't she look good on your arm when you go out in public. Classic. Oh well, that's my gripe for today.
I'll update after the dinner tonight.

Easter Weekend

2009-04-11T09:12:00.002-05:00

I'm sitting at my little table, drinking my coffee and watching the blue jays beat up on the squirrels in the backyard. It's the simple things that make me happy. Life seems to have calmed down a bit, Joe is still making me uneasy but only aggression towards himself so far.
I am almost through with my major home improvements. All that's left is putting the trim in and both bathroom cabinets. A little more painting of course.
I'm going to put back splash up in kitchen but probably not in the next few months. That should be an easy job.
My mom is very close to moving back into their house. Maybe 2 more weeks. The fire was Nov. 7th and they are still not finished. Holy Cow. I was able to get her a little pug/chihuahua mix puppy from a shelter. She is 2 months old. My mother and Hayes are IN LOVE. This dog is just what they needed and wanted for so long now. Losing all of your pets in a house fire is so devastating. Seeing them laying on the ground dead is just as devastating. I can never get that image out of my mind.
I finished my greenhouse. It is so so cute. I'm going to buy tomato and some other veggies to grow inside. I've got to paint it too. Man do I NOT like to paint. Oh my.
My kid is coming home tonight I think, late..... Double header at Baylor because rain tomorrow. It will be nice to spend more than 45 minutes with him for once. Well, I guess I'll wrap this up. I am seriously needing a vacation. Just trying to decide where. I want to be around water and sand. I may do a quick trip to Mexico by myself for some R&R. Yep, peace and quiet is what the Dr. is ordering for Mel.
Happy Easter and stay dry tomorrow!

I'm still alive & kickin

2009-04-04T08:57:00.002-05:00

I've decided to start posting again. I need somewhere to vent my frustrations, apprehensions and thoughts.
The past 5 months have pretty much been a living hell. Joe, my older son just lost his mind and I don't know why or what brought it on. After months of violent behavior, getting kicked out of Day Hab, having to pull my car over to keep from getting hit and getting calls everyday from school I jusst broke down, took him to JPS Psychiatrist ER with the thought I was going to walk out of there without him. I was ready. But of course he is behaving like a charmed two year old listening to his DVD and ALL SMILES. The dr on staff was truely a nice woman and listened to me go on & on & on. I was crying, laughing and just hanging my head. She decided to try him on a new med. Well, the results are...... Joe is about 80% back to normal. I see smiling and laughing and happy moods. Still a little bit of aggression but nothing like before.
The moral to my storey today is....... If you have kids and they are normal. You need to get up every day and thank god he gave you that. I don't care how rotten they are. If they are rotten you probably made them that way so take responsibility. Anyway, who would have ever thought that one day my baby boy, my son that I so longed for would end up being my abuser. It is still hard for me to wrap my head around. Lot's of blaming myself too. What could I have done different.
Now on a more positive note. I have another kid that is damn near perfect or that's my story and I'm sticking to it. He is in Kansas this weekend with Baylor baseball team. Seems he has listened to one thing I always preached to him. I would tell him, kid you have to work, we aren't rich and never will be. So, the key is to wake up each day and like going to work. What could be better than making a living around baseball. Not saying it's an easy job, but doing something you love it the key to a happy life.
Happy Saturday to you! I'll be back.

Thursday Thursday

2008-04-24T05:23:00.002-05:00

Thought I'd stop and update since I have neglected to do so for quite some time now. Really not much going on. I've been a home improvement queen the past few weeks. Almost have the front flower bed done. I just need a few more piece of rock. The back flower bed can wait but gotta get that done.
Let's see. Friday night, opening ceremonies for Special O, Saturday are the track & field events. Saturday night heading to Sundance Square to see Four Day Weekend.
Sunday, Rangers vs. Minnesota.
I'm not going to get much done this weekend looks like. I'm running out of time on Stephen's room. I moved the big 36" TV back there so I had to remove the old entertainment center that was part of the 7th grade flood. That thing was wobbling like crazy. I put up shelves. Now going to install Closet Maid in the closets. (Joe & Stephen) I actually dusted all of his trophies and poor Joe went into a sneezing frenzy. I had not done that for 5 or 6 years. Oh my.
Oh, Joe said MOMMA yesterday morning. Have not heard that in at least 2 years. Yeah, I guess I can say when you start complaining about "life" and not being happy, etc. Think about what it would be like if you only heard your kid say a word every 2 - 3 years. That might help you put your life into perspective. He was funny too, he wanted me to watch Wheel of Fortune on the big screen last night. He was grinning that I stopped long enough to sit with him on the sofa.
Went to Waco last Saturday with Joe & Jacque. That was a great visit. It's so hard to believe a year of college is already completed. My goodness. He'll be home soon, working and taking summer classes. Talked to him last night. He's starting his research paper. Steroids. Shouldn't be hard to do that paper. So much in the news about that.
My friend Pam has vowed to break her long about with celibacy this year. She is being fixed up with 2 men this Sunday. Already we figured out she won't get along with one of them so she is going to send him my way. He is a motorcycle & boat guy. Right up my alley.
And, trying to figure out if a man that does the cycle class on Mon & Wed is married. He sure does look and smile. I just need to be brave enough to approach him. I'll put Crystal on that duty. Actually one of Stephen's friends works there and she said she would be on the look out for single men. I'll get her on that task.
Not really interested in a "committed" relationship right now because there's too many projects I need to finish at home, but it would be nice to find a guy that wants to do something every once in awhile. Who knows. Going to let the game come to me, right!!!!!

Finally an update - Get some coffee and enjoy

2008-04-05T07:31:00.002-05:00

Finally I am making myself stop so I can give an update of my life. I know, like anyone really cares!
Well, in case you do this is what's been happening lately. I've been going non-stop for about 3 weeks now. Now that spring has arrived there is yard work and of course home improvements, etc. Pam and I had a curbing co. come out and curb our flowerbeds. Then we put river rock in the cement. It looked good, but even better was the acrylic application. Oh my gosh, the rocks turned different colors. I think it looks beautiful. Very unique. I came home last night and got about half of the flower bed cleaned out. That is back breaking work. I want to get that finished this weekend to get that out of the way. I've got to get cracking on Joe's room. So many things to do and such a short time frame. The Big Guy turns 21 on the 15th. Trying, trying to make his room look a bit more mannish.
Stevie boy is coming home Monday. His teaching class was cancelled for Tuesday morning and he's skipping astronomy. He and Bob have for as long as I can remember have attended Opening Day together. (the rule was I would let him skip class that day if he kept his grades up. what a joke. Like I ever had to ask him to keep his grades up) Originally he was going to drive up Tuesday after class but now I get to see him too. He doesn't know about the TV. Oh my gosh, yes, I got a 50" Panasonic Plasma. I love it. Joe loves it. I'm going to watch American Gangster tonight in HD. I've already seen the movie but it will be my first HD movie to watch. I know, too much excitement for you. I digress. The kid is going to be so surprised when he walks in and sees the TV. I may not get him out of the living room.
I've been working out, some days I feel like my pants are a bit smaller and some days I feel like bloated whale. What a battle. I will win this one. I just need to keep the damn carbs away from my mouth. Pretty simple.
Well, I need to get going. Joe and I are going Clean Up Craven's Park. It's a community/city thing today. Then need to get my hair done this afternoon and back home to finish the flower bed.
Sunday, okay your going to think I'm nuts but I learned about this group called Wildcare, Inc. They help injured animals. They nurse them back to health or if they are orphaned and then release them into the wild. They have "foster parents" that help with this. I am going to a class Sunday to learn to be a "foster parent". That is something I would love to do. If I could own an animal refuge on acres of land I would no doubt be the happiest person ever.
Nothing to update on the man scope. Looking pretty dismal now. But I'm not too worried. I've been so busy just can't worry too much about it. I know, let the game come to me. I just hope they know there is a ballpark here at 425 Revolution Lane. Should I put up signs??????

Easter is here and Spring is in the air!!!!!!

2008-03-22T08:13:00.003-05:00

Happy Easter to all! I love spring time. The weather is always great rain or shine. You don't have to run the a/c unit. Maybe the heat in the morning, but good time to save money on electricity. (I do have my priorities in order).
I had the insulation, caulking and weather stripping done to the house. I am really looking forward to huge savings. Also had the a/c unit serviced last night so I am ready for summer. I'm supposed to save from $100 to $150 a month on the electric bill.
Let's see. The kid is home again, he and Andrew have been hanging out. They're pretty funny together. Seguin soccer, boys & girls are in the playoffs. Or they were last night. He and Andrew drove to Ennis to watch the girls play.
I have been very diligent in my work outs. Wednesday, Crystal, Pam and I were through working out and for some reason I revealed that I have never been able to do a cartwheel. Of course both of them can. We went outside on the front area of the Y and they started doing cartwheels. That's one of my goals this year. I will do a cartwheel. Yup, I have high aspirations.
Yesterday, poor Bob. He was trying to take a day off with Angela and I pretty much beat him down with a million questions on flat screen TVs. That had to be the most difficult decision I've made in awhile. Finally we agree on one and I hit "send". That was hard to do too especially since I put the PS3 on the bill too. That's being shipped to Baylor, so the kid will be super duper surprised. I'll be tracking that delivery very very closely. I want to make sure he picks it up the minute it is delivered. The games and extra controller are on his dime.
I suppose by next week I will have my big screen TV. I just need to call Direct TV to change out the boxes, etc.
I guess that's all I have for now. Nothing going on in the love life area. I've given up on that anyway. I'm not interested in the drama of dating. I just want to meet a man, it be the right guy and the rest is easy. I just can't deal with playing hard to get, the chase, etc. That is high school behavior and I guess any guy I meet that does that should be a red flag. I guess I'm in for a long long summer! At least I plan on looking good. Just need to lose just 14 lbs and I will be a very happy woman. I know, JUST is the key word in that sentence.
Happy Easter!!!

Spring Break

2008-03-15T07:14:00.002-05:00

I am proud to announce my son, my baby darling baby boy is at a barber shop right now, 7:00 a.m. Saturday morning having the initials of BU cut into his hair. Then he plans to dye his hair green for St. Patty's Day.
He told me this last night. Of course I have to remind myself we had just accepted over 13,000 in grants and scholarships at Baylor for the Fall and Spring of next year so I really shouldn't worry too much, right?
Part of me is glad he finally having fun. He has been so dry & driven and now he is finally letting loose. He has plans to drive to Oklahoma weekend after next with another student to watch the Rangers & White Sox play. Then they will watch the Baylor/Oklahoma game that Saturday. I think they are going to spend the night with a high school classmate in Oklahoma now.
My brother is on his way to Oklahoma. I am praying that Jim Brown can help him get his life back and on the road to living without drugs & alcohol. That will take a miracle.
Nothing else going on. I have been having fun hanging out with my neighbor, Pam. She is alot like me and just a fun person to hang out with. We went to Whiz Q Stone on Wednesday. We were acting like two kids in a candy store. I swear we walked away from that place with about 10 more things on our home improvement to do list. And she has been working out with me too. Actually Sonja, me Pam and now my neighbor Crystal have been spending time working out together. I think we are going to try to do St. Patty's Day at Gilligan's. Maybe I will run into the young man that was flirting with me when the insulation crew came to work on my house Wednesday. That kid was so obvious. He went to Home Depot to get weatherstripping for my door so I said, "while your out will you get a gallon of milk, honey". We laughed and he said he would never buy 2% milk. I didn't even notice when he returned, but I went to the fridge to get a piece of Turkey (I was hungry) and there sits a gallon of milk. It wouldn't surprise me if he didn't show up at Gilligan's on Monday. I told him I was going there with friends.
We shall see......
I am going to try a Yoga class today. It is supposed to put you in a tranquil mood. If that is the truth, then maybe I need to do Yoga everyday.
Next update tomorrow.

Tuesday - Gotta be a better day

2008-03-11T06:37:00.002-05:00

Oh my gosh. Sunday & Monday are behind me thank goodness. Big hiccups with oil & gas land company and then I learn my brother has been arrested and is in jail. Let's see, domestic violence, domestic violence intimidation, disorderly conduct, drug possession & drug paraphernalia. And they let him walk out of the jail. Idiots. I told the jailer they made a huge mistake by letting him out. He agreed but said the judge makes the calls.
I finally got to bed at 11:30 last night. Lot's of phone calls regarding Mike. I just shake my head in disbelief. How could this man with super intelligence fall so far off the ladder. I just don't get it. We were raised in the same house.
An angel did call me last night. Jim Brown. He wants Mike to come to Oklahoma and he will get him back on track and back to success. Big job. He was so calming and convincing I almost believe he can do it. He has a long history with my brother.
Of course Mike calls me at 2:15 a.m. I thought I dreamed the phone was ringing.
I sure hope Stephen doesn't need me in the middle of the night. He will be out of luck. This girl does not have trouble sleeping. Just lay me horizontal and I am gone.
I have tomorrow & thursday off. I can't wait. Just going to do stuff around the house and spoil my kid. I know, I already do that but at least I can spoil him even more. :)

Spring Forward Today!

2008-03-09T07:45:00.002-05:00

Don't forget to spring forward. That's right, we lose an hour of sleep. Doesn't matter to much to me as I went to bed at 10:00 last night.
We had a family dinner at Joe T Garcia's last night. It was super cool that we had our own private room. There was 20 of us there. That last time we got together was New Year's Eve. We wanted to do this while Stephen was home for spring break. I guess as we are getting older we realize how important it is to spend time together. Anyway, it was great fun. Bob & Angela came. My friend Kay came. Joe was none too happy about chicken fajitas. I should have fed him something before we left. Oh well, I think he can stand to miss a meal or two. Sure won't kill him. Judy, sure wish you had been there. You would have had a great time with us.
I bought some tomato plants yesterday. Going to use my new doodad I got from the Home & Garden show to grow them. Also bought a new squirrel feeder. Can't wait to see him out there this morning to see if he is smart enough to work it.
Let's see. My friend Pam and I went to our local bar Friday night to have a few beers. It was like the Cheer's Bar. Everyone that walked in knew someone. I think it might be a place we hit up once a week just to get out. Our plan was to go to the Icehouse in Fort Worth but we decided we would do that when it wasn't so cold. That's a biker bar. I am thinking we could really have some fun in there. Maybe in a couple of weeks. I think we may go to Cowboy's this Friday night to dance.
The kid is home for spring break. Boy, I didn't know how happy I was to see him until I got home Friday night. I am going to take a couple of days off later this week. I don't think we are going to do anything special but I do know this week will fly by too fast.
Well, as you can see my life is becoming quite boring. Now that I have given up on men it seems I don't have too many worries. I just am not interested in the silly games that have been required in this dating endeavor. You would think men in their 40' & 50's would just be normal but it isn't so. So I have decided I am done. Sure feels good now that I have changed my plans.
I'll update as the week goes on. Maybe something fun & exciting will happen.

Betters Days!!

2008-03-02T09:09:00.002-06:00

Finally feeling better. I still have a cough but the rest of me is much much better. I thought since I had the flu twice last year I'd be spared. But that didn't happen.
I went to a wedding yesterday. I have to say, I looked like a million bucks. I had a black & white polka dot dress with a black scarf to wear around my shoulders. My hair rocked.
Yep, I was looking good. Not too bad for a old lady!!!!
My kid will be coming home Friday. I can't wait to see him. I almost have forgotten what he looks like. I really really miss him. I'll be taking a couple of days off next week so we can spend some time together.
Still waiting on my oil & gas check. I really wanted to get that TV installed before the kid came home. He would have been pleasantly surprised.
Okay, I have been trying all week to make this stupid Turbo Tax thing work. I can't for life of me figure out what the hell to do with this. It is making me owe taxes and I know I don't. I hate this stuff. Plus I have to update the fasfa and can't do that until I get my taxes done. Guess I will be working on that today. Oh joy.
Joe got a gold in Special O basketball yesterday. Helps that he was the only one in his division. So what if everyone else is too scared to compete with him. :) He loves getting his medal. That part is completely understood. He will be starting the swimming and then track & field next.
My neighbor Pam and I are thinking of going to Cowboys to hang out next Friday. We were having drinks at her house last night and put together several options for us both to get out there and meet some men. She is two years younger than me, decided to raise her kid like I did and now we are both ready to get into some trouble. Should be good for a few stories in the near future.
Well, guess I better get back to the Turbo Tax issue. Anyone want to volunteer to help today, bring yourself on over. I could use it.

Not a good week

2008-02-25T18:36:00.002-06:00

I suppose it was inevitable. I thought since I had the flu twice last year I would be spared. Of course when you son just covers you with you know what, chances are you are not going to escape it.
My skin feels like it is going to fall off my body. I am shivering so much. So I went to the dr. I am hoping the antibiotics will help.

Just quickly. The two young girls at work decided last week they would search My Space to find me a date. They ended up contacting two men. I just laughed at them and told them how silly they were. Imagine my surprise when the tennis player calls me today. How embarrassing for him to hear me talking like a man. He seemed to cool. He suggested we meet for lunch in two weeks when he comes to Fort Worth to play tennis. I have to keep fishing. I keep hearing that silly line, you have to kiss a bunch of frogs before you find your prince.

I will update tomorrow if I crawl out of bed. I am going to sleep all day.

Maybe, Valentines Day is starting to work for me!!

2008-02-15T05:42:00.002-06:00

Yesterday morning I discovered a vase of 12 beautiful red roses on my front porch. But of course there wasn't a name on the card. Finally the "lucky" man confessed last night. I am thinking Danny is a smart man. He is making good decisions regarding me!! I have to admit I would have been disappointed if he did not do something for me. Not to worry now.

And even better, my kid sent me the most beautiful flowers too.
So, I have to retract my bah humbug theory regarding Valentine's Day. At least this year I will.
Bachelorette party tonight. I hear Dick's Last Resort is a fun place to have a party. I'll give an update tomorrow!!!!

It's Valentines Day

2008-02-14T05:33:00.002-06:00

Of course today is THE DAY for all of you men to show your woman how much you love them. And let me add, us single women think this day is completely overrated. :)
Kind of like christmas, bah humbug. So what, it is Valentine's Day.
Usually my kid is the only one that remembers me on this day. I'm not going to hold my breathe since he almost forgot my birthday.
Today we will attend Dave DeLeon's funeral. For those of you that don't know, he is Frank Hill's father in law. He has worked at the law firm for several years. He and I had a pretty tight relationship. I am deeply hurt that he is gone. I will miss that old man. That is what I called him when I saw him. He would say "hey babe" and I would come back with "hey old man". I was able to spend some time with him a couple of days before his surgery. I wish treasure that time and am so grateful for it.
A lesson in all of this..... Be careful of your last words with someone. You never know if that is the last time you will see them.
Man update. I know you have been waiting for this. Seems that Danny and I are getting along well. I was hoping he would be able to come by last night. One of the things we have in common is that we still have kids at home. So we both understand if the other can't just get away. And I like going out with him. He makes me smile and laugh. I almost have him convinced he needs to cut out the sodas and candy. I am going to bring him over to the healthy eating side. He is not fat by any means, actually not a bad body for a 51 yr. old man. He offered to start working out with me. That was huge. I was sold on that one. We are supposed to plan an overnight for next weekend somewhere. I'm trying to be creative but am just coming up blank right now. Something will hit me and it will be perfect.
Last of all. Our oil & gas committee had a private signing Tuesday night. All of our hard work and efforts paid off. My signing bonus is just a little over 3,500. Not too bad considering the first offer was 700.00. Yep, I am patting myself on the back. But I promise. After we have our big party to celebrate this, I AM DONE. I am going to concentrate on myself, my home, getting Joe placed and my love life. Maybe not in that order but all of those things.

Just another Thursday

2008-02-07T05:17:00.000-06:00

It's been some time since I have updated. This past week or so has been so busy with work and community involvement. Our first oil & gas signings will begin next Wednesday. That will take up so much of my time for at least a month. Most of the committee members will need to babysit these signing parties to answer questions, etc.
The nice thing about this is we requested the oil company have checks in hand for the 12 committee members when we sign next week. Everyone else will get vouchers until title is run on their property. I should have a $3,000 ish check next week. Going to get my kid a bigger laptop and take his smaller one. Then I think I might indulge myself and get a HDTV. Or, if I am smart and sensible I will put it in the bank and save for a rainy day or car troubles.
I've been refinishing two end tables that was part of a living room set that Pat & I bought when we first married. They have been in the attic. Once I refinish them I am going to put tile in the top. I picked that out this past weekend. I must say, they are going to be beautiful. I am quite impressed with myself. I really enjoy doing stuff like that.
Good news. Nolan Ryan is coming to the Rangers. I am so excited about that. Stephen's boss at the ballpark, Dennis worked for Nolan in Round Rock for years. Should be a good year for the Rangers. May have to buy some season tixs.
Guess that is all I have now. Oh, one more thing. A committee member, Pam that lives in my neighborhood has become someone that I think will be fun to hang out with. We worked out together Tuesday. And have plans to start man hunting together. She is quite attractive and lot's of fun. When I first met her she was content with living the way she has been for some time now. I have her thinking a man isn't such a bad idea after all. It should be interesting to see what we come up with.

Superbowl Sunday

2008-02-03T07:09:00.000-06:00

I have to admit I am still hurting that my Cowboys are not playing today. I just thought for sure they would be. Stupid Cowboys didn't even make it through round one. After the Cowboys lost I decided I want Green Bay to win. Okay, that didn't happen either. Now I really don't care who wins. I'll just watch football and enjoy it.
The update on the oil & gas "job" is looking very promising. We have two really good offers on the table. I am hoping with all of my hopes this thing wraps up in the next 30 days. This has been more work than booster club. So many phone calls, people coming to my house at all hours. Oh, one exception on the last comment. I was working on my tables that I am going to stain and put tile in the table top yesterday. This fancy sports car show up in front of my house and this rather handsome guy brings me the form he received on his door to join the neighborhood group. We talked for a bit. He is single. OK, that was a positive. I am sure I will be seeing him again. Might even need to give him a call. I am sure there is something he left out when filling out the paperwork. Gotta work it as my friends say. I think I will start with him. :)
Nothing else going on. I had a good birthday. I got LOT'S flowers and cards. Had a wonderful lunch. Wow, 48. I am, well never mind. Can't be old yet. I have too many things I need to take care of first.

2008 - What's in Store?

2008-01-30T05:25:00.000-06:00

All of my girlfriends tell me that 2008 is OUR year. I wonder why they think that? Do they have some premonition that I don't have? HUM.... I keep telling myself "it could be true". I suppose we will just have to sit back and wait. Tina and I talked yesterday. She passed a Human Resource test that will open so many job opportunities for her. She told me she is finally on track mentally and needs to get on track physically. She reminded me of how men would stop and look at us when we used to go out together. I had to remind her we were 10 years younger. :) She argued that we still have it, just have to convince the men that we do.
We are going to meet tomorrow in downtown Ft. Worth for happy hour. I'll have to get my game on and work it.
My thought on dating. It sucks. I hate dating. It would have been fun 10 years ago but that was not an option at that time. Now, in my late 40's and I am trying to date. Most men my age that are not already married have such incredible flaws and bad personalities that only a desperate woman would even consider them. Well, guess we will see if my friends are right, see what happens in 2008.
Stephen started his basketball inter murals. I had to ask if he even got to play. He informed me not only did he start, he made 11 points and they won. So cool that he is getting to experience what college is really about. I mailed his basketball shoes to him yesterday. I was at the UPS store. The kid that waited on me said "wow, your kid goes to Baylor". It made me proud to hear a kid say that.
Alrighty, I am going to close this out. I'm not feeling it today and this is getting boring. Maybe I will have better news after Thursday's happy hour!

Feeling Better

2008-01-25T07:22:00.000-06:00

Today, I have the day off. The weather guys listened to me too. I prayed today would not be a snow day for the schools. I did not want to spend my day off with the Big Guy. Really need some alone time in my house. Actually I need to clean my house. :)
Great news! We got an offer from a land company for 17k an acre and implementing the SWAPO lease with few revisions. I can't express how happy I am this endeavor is almost over. This has taken quite a toll on me. Next time I start on a crusade someone please stop me. Actually I am preparing to send a letter to all of the state reps regarding the lack of services for kids with Autism. Maybe it won't turn into anything. They will probably just trash my letter anyway.
Even better news!!!! My kid is really kicking butt at Baylor. He got a JOB, yep a JOB doing something that he absolutely loves. Hanging out with baseball guys and filming them. You know, I always preached to him to LOVE his work because you will have to get up and do it everyday. I think that preaching may have paid off. I can't be more proud of an individual than I am of him. We all could learn a lesson of humility and integrity from this kid. I hope when he does become a coach he will use the same theory that Coach Albus always preached. "If I accomplish nothing more than turning you young men into good Men, Husbands & Fathers, then I have done my job." I know one kid that benefited from knowing him. Of course most of the credit goes to someone else, but he knows that. :)
Wow, I almost forgot to write about men. What am I thinking!!!!! See, it wasn't the first topic so I must be feeling better about things. I do have a date tonight. With Danny. I am actually looking forward to it. I need to get my game on as the girls at work tell me. We are going to have dinner at Fish City and wing it after that. If it is too cold out then I am thinking a dvd and a cozy fire would be a good way to stay warm. We shall see.

Men - Who needs them?

2008-01-20T07:04:00.000-06:00

I look forward to the time when I can diary about something other than men. Or at least not have men a first topic of my blog. But this week has really left me "pissed off" regarding men and I must vent. It makes me question who I am and could the problem be me and not them? Of course you know I have finally gotten the goof ball guy to quit calling. Thank goodness he has respected my request. Then let's talk about the guy that was my best friend and then the relationship turned into something much more and I thought, something that would possibly become a long term relationship. I was really off base on that situation. Come to find out he does love me but just doesn't love me enough. He is going to stay with the woman that has his home, his children, his social life and I am sure he will keep praying that she doesn't pull another 20 dry spell of showing no affection and making him think she doesn't even like him. I wish them both well. Because, I was not good enough to take a chance and invest his feelings and life in. I am not a sure thing so I get the heave ho. I was graceful about it because really, do I have a choice?
Then let's move on to the guy I saw several years ago that couldn't keep his penis in his pants. Meaning, he was not faithful to me. And you know, the funny thing is, I did do my part in the relationship. That means I did show affection in all ways, there was not a dry spell to use as an excuse. He just was not willing to commit to me. He called again Friday night to beg me please give him another chance and tell me once again he just did not commit to me at the time. Well, I am looking pretty good now that you have married an obnoxious & hateful woman (your words). He wants me to please know he is so so so so so sorry for what he did. He realizes I am the most incredible person and if only he could have another chance. I will talk with my mom. Whatever she decides is best is what I will go with. If she tells me to send him packing then that is what will happen. If she thinks he is worth another chance, and when I say another that is a huge exaggeration. I will consider giving him another chance.
Alright, the last guy. He calls me Friday evening. After a 45 minute conversation, we are not any closer to a second date than before the phone call. I am going to cut him some slack because his mom just passed away a week before Christmas. But come on, you are 51 years old. Don't you know if you are really ready to go out with a woman and get to know her as opposed to needing more time to grieve for your passing mom. My neighbor says he doesn't realize he is depressed and to give him some more time. It should not be this hard. I deal with and have dealt with issues for the past 12 years that most people can't even begin to comprehend. Yet I wake up each day and hope things will be better and try to be relatively happy. I know, I am not being very sympathetic. You see, I still have one more move to make regarding Joseph, but I am not going to cry about it each day. When it is time, I will do it, have my cry and pick myself up again and continue on with life. Geez, how many of you have to put your kid in a group home, so I can only say "give me a break". Quit bitching about the small stuff.
On a more happy and positive note. Thank goodness I have friends. I went to a movie last night and then had a GREAT margarita afterwards. The great thing about that date was I didn't have to hear what an incredible woman I am, I love you but.... It was just an evening with my friend. We saw Juno. That was a really good movie. Stevie said it was.
And another cool thing, my kid came home last night with 3 other Baylor kids. One of the kids play club ice hockey for Baylor and was supposed to have a game at the Parks. It got forfeited but they came up anyway. It was really good to see him even if it was only a week since that last time. The girls were so OOHING and AWING at the pics I have displayed of Stevie. That was fun to watch. And he finally buzzed his head. He just does not look good in long hair. They are coming by here before heading back so I can make them brunch. That will make today a good day for this old lady.
At least I can say I am not spending much time on the guys that are not willing to be a part of my life. And I think my rule of NO SECOND CHANCES should continue. That would take care of guy #2. HUM... Let me think about it. Maybe I need some football to clear my head. :)

Stupid Cowboys

2008-01-13T19:41:00.000-06:00

I can't decide if I am mad or sad. Probably mad. What is the point of making it this far and then playing stupid football.
And... to top it off. I tell the goofy guy there is nothing between us. Can't happen, won't happen.
What do I get when the game is over. Text messages from him. He tells me he has been rejected twice in one day. Oh my.
I can't believe I am saying this but I am ready for Monday.

Today is Football Sunday

2008-01-13T07:46:00.000-06:00

I thought I would start the day off with an update of the past week. Of course I will have a brief follow up after the outcome of today's Cowboys/Giants game. I hope it is a good report. And I don't mean for those Giants fans either.
Alright, let's start with the most important thing. My Stevie Boy left for Waco yesterday morning. I have been telling everyone I am okay, not going to miss him too much, he is only 1 1/2 hours away. WELL, I was wrong. After going over everything twice yesterday morning (meaning, how many times can I ask him to be sure he didn't forget his contacts, belts, shoes, etc.) I had to finally accept he was going to get into that car and drive off. I couldn't even say goodbye as I was crying already. I did notice he wouldn't look at me so I am thinking he was having a hard time too. Gosh, I think that is the kind of broken heart that would kill you. I am better today, but when I put his clean sheets on this morning it was obvious no one has been in the room for 24 hours. Clean and neat. I have taken the advice of my coworker Patty, both of her kids are in college and she is the same kind of parent I am. We live and breathe our kids. She just shuts the bedroom doors so she doesn't have to look in and see an empty room.
Next topic. Men. Oh my goodness. It is either feast or famine with me. This goof ball that was at the party last Saturday has turned into the biggest pest I have ever met. I am sure if I had not been for the big shot of Crown Royal I drank that night I would have never given him my phone number. This guy is 42 years old and has sent me text messages such as "You are so beautiful you make my pants go crazy" or how about this one "Otay Buckwheat" and I love this one. He "laughed his ass off" with a text response I sent him. Oh my goodness. I really think he has been hit in the head one too many times. I just can't get him to quit calling me. I will just have to be blunt and to the point. I hate being that way but some guys just don't get it until you hit them in the head with it. That is on my to do list today. On a positive note, I had dinner Friday night with a guy that my neighbor tried to fix me up with 2 years ago. I just wasn't ready to date anyone at that time. I agreed to try again. We had a wonderful evening. We laughed, had good conversation and a couple of beers too. I think we are going to try date #2 next weekend. Probably came at a good time since the "other" love interest has made it very clear what direction he will be going in. I have to respect that decision and move on. Maybe this new guy will turn out to be someone I enjoy spending time with. At least he has not said anything retarded yet. And he has not made any attempts to be anything other than a perfect gentleman. Okay, that is all for now. I will be back after the Cowboy game. Note to all concerned. Stephen is back in Waco so that will be good for today's football game. He told me every loss they have had this year he was in Arlington. As much as I miss my kid, he had to go. :)

New Year, New Thoughts

2008-01-10T06:42:00.000-06:00

I have not updated since the New Year's because I have been busy. Work is non-stop as usual at this time of year. I have had somewhat of a social life as well. I have been fishing as my friends call it. They need to get out and fish too. "Fishing" means I have been putting myself out there and going places where I might meet someone that would want to spend time with me. Of course you have to be open to letting that person in your space. I am working on that too.
I think my "butterfly" theory has finally come to a conclusion. It (love) is not going to come back so that means..... The love was never mine. That makes me so sad because I worry if I will ever meet someone else that I feel so comfortable with and just enjoy being with. My tendency is to find faults in a man so I don't have to "like" them. That never happened with him. Everything was good with him. And my goodness, anyone that let's me talk as much as I do must be a saint.
My faith is not as strong as it was a month ago. But I think this is the way it is supposed to be if it does not work out that we are together. I will move on and continue to "fish".
When has a broken heart ever killed anyone, right????

New Year Update

2008-01-03T05:34:00.000-06:00

Just a quick update of the past week. Friday night was the Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert at the AA center. That is the most incredible light show I have ever seen. And the music of course was great. I plan to see them again.
New Years Eve started with dinner with the family at Mimi's Cafe. There was 18 of us there. Stephen asked me why we started having so many family get togethers. I didn't have an answer other than we are all getting older and spending time together seems to be a priority.
New Years Eve was very low key. An old friend stopped by and we shared champagne, good conversation and watched the ball drop. It was just too cold to go anywhere. New Years day was much warmer and of course a big day for football. The games were a bit boring but nonetheless, it was football day at the Kelly house. Had a dinner date that evening and enjoyed a rather large tasty margarita.
Back to work on Wednesday for the first day of billing. Stephen is going to finish out this week, probably work on Monday and then take a few days off before heading back on the 11th. It has been great having him home and getting such a big dose of him. (work & home) He seems to be more comfortable about the upcoming semester and I think he will start to find a balance of studying and having a little fun.
My New Year's Resolution is.... I don't have one. I will continue doing what I am doing. I am going to put more effort into losing about 15 lbs. That has to happen. I will take on each day with a positive attitude and just be happy. I am sure there will be wonderful opportunities that are in store for me this year and I am ready for each one of them. My friend Kay says 2008 is going to be my year. I guess I will sit back and see what happens!!!!!

Christmas Update

2007-12-26T21:52:00.000-06:00

Christmas day was absolutely wonderful. We did our new "come & go" food thing. After talking with my mom today, we agreed we had heartburn from eating all of that junk food. :)
Stephen says we need to stick with the Mexican theme since Papa makes the best tacos ever. Every year at my mom's we write down our wish for the next year and put it in a ball. My mom keeps the ball until the next Christmas. We all gather around to read what our wish was a year prior. Last year I wrote "I hope Stephen is doing great in college and Joe is living happily in a group home" I got one wish. I asked for something different this year. Something for myself too. I am hoping my wish will come true.
My "boys" got me a pair of Baylor sweat pants. Stephen forgets his old mom has gained a few pounds and got me a medium sized pant. I was able to squeeze into them but they are tight. He "they" also got a new IPod and a gift cert. to Daired's Spa for $125. I have to wonder where the boy got his money????? This kid is going to be the most incredible husband when he makes that commitment. I honestly can't take any credit for that, I guess I will give that one to Bob.
I have posted a few new photos. I am so giddy about the pic's of me and my boys. They are the most handsome guys I have ever seen. The silly grin on Joe's face and of course Stephen's million dollar smile. I paid good money for that you know!!! The boy sucked on a pacifier and carried a blanket until he was 5 years old. I won't divulge anymore of his secrets at this time.
I have to follow up with this last thought. I keep hearing from my friends how strong I am. What a strong person I am. In many aspects I am. I made a choice when I divorced to raise my boys without bringing men into my home. I did not want my boys exposed to different men and situations that would not be in our best interest. One thing I did do right was get a big brother for Stephen. I have to say that was the best decision I have ever made.
I wonder though, why I am able to have this wonderful feeling of loving someone, but I can't be with them. Maybe I am supposed to be alone. It is so hard for me to let anyone into my heart. I do know my heart and I know that this is something I just don't want to walk away from right now.
I was told by a man once that I am just too nice. He said if I want a man I need to be bitchier. Even if I wanted to, I just can't do that, but it seems he might be right. Men want women that don't want them. I just don't understand that.
Oh, I have a date Friday night. I am going to the Trans Siberian Orchestra with Sonja. We are going to have a great time. And.... A birthday party at some silly honky tonk in Midlothian for my friends 40th birthday party. I have not been dancing in a long time so I will dig out my boots and see what kind of trouble I can get into.
I am still going to HAVE FAITH. I am not ready to say "it's over". I may have to soon, but not today.

Christmas Eve

2007-12-24T20:46:00.000-06:00

Here it is, Christmas Eve. I got the presents wrapped, that didn't take long. I should have put Stephen's jacket in a bag, but no, I stuffed it in a box. :) The guitar was delivered late today, whew. I was getting worried. Had to call Bob to make sure all was okay.
Saturday night at the Newhouse's. That was so much fun. I really enjoyed seeing Jim & Kathy again. I got one shot at guitar hero and was horrible. Stephen was my partner and we still got kicked off. I need to practice more. It is still fun.
The Cowboys pulled it off, again. I hope Washington doesn't tear them up.
I had to go work today. I dropped Joe off at DayHab for a few hours, he was having a great time. That gave me time to do what I had to do at work and run to the Mall and grab one more thing.
Stephen and I went to the Candlelight Service this evening. That was nice.

Well, tomorrow morning Santa will have come. Then off to my mom's. We are having a come and go food thing. We have never done this so it should be interesting.
I have done much reflection today, been thinking about someone. Funny how you miss someone so much. It is so hard not to pick up the phone.
Might be because the of Green Bay and Minnesota loss. That would be hard to get over. :)
Alright, off to bed, can't wait to see what Santa brings!

Lessons of Love

2007-12-21T22:00:00.000-06:00

Today I was asked what is a soulmate. I know what my definition is but I wanted to be sure what I think is actually the truth. I did a little research.
I googled "what is a soulmate".
Soulmate (or soul mate) is a term sometimes used to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, friendship, love, intimacy, sexuality, and/or compatibility.
Well, I needed to know more, so I googled "affinity".
Affinity in terms of Sociology refers to kinship of spirit, or a natural attraction of feeling of kinship.
Okay, I am still not satisfied. And finally I googled "kindred spirits"
Someone who feels & thinks the the way you do.

My definition: someone who thinks the same thing you are thinking at the same time, enjoys the same things you do, does their laundry the same way you do, thinks about you all the time, gets giddy when they know they are going to see you, feels elated when they sit next to you. I think you get my point.

This is from my heart.... A soulmate doesn't cross one's path but once. Some walk right by it not knowing they may have past up "the one". And then they don't get that opportunity again. Other's are unsure, they just don't know if it will work.

Ok, let's talk about other things. Today I felt like all the work and dedication I give to my job paid off. Myself and another coworker always get a little more of a Christmas bonus than everyone else. Their way of saying, thanks for working 55 hours a week, every week, oh and coming in on Christmas Eve so they don't have to!!! It certainly it a blessing at this time of year. Now I am going to spend it!

Tomorrow night at the Newhouse's. Should be a great time. I am really looking foward to it. I am ready for a Guitar Hero challenge. I know, I really stink at it, but I think I can be good this time. :)

My week so far

2007-12-18T21:56:00.000-06:00

My goodness. My head is spinning. The past weekend and this week have been crazy. Let me start with my "date" Saturday. Joe, Kirky, Karen and I had so much fun at the movie. Kirky was watching the movie with such intent. Joe on the other hand, giggled and giggled. I kept saying "Joe, watch the movie". All I got was giggles. We went to Sam's after that. Joe has his routine when we go there, and Kirky was not on board with that. Joseph was so cool in adapting to someone else. Autism day again. Karen and I were just laughing at the two of them.

I went to Austin Monday for a HCS Waiver orientation. That made for a long day, then I had to be at the church by 7:00 for the oil & gas Town Hall meeting. I think it was very successful. Made all the hours of work we have been putting in seem worth it. My friend Brian the chairman does sales but I never knew what he sold. When I talk to him he always says "Hi Mel, let me be your hero". I just reply back, "Brian, I do need a hero", not really know what else to say. I called him Monday to let him know I would be there at 7:00, he asks me again if I will need a Hero. I told him today I WILL need a hero. When I arrive he hands me a can of HIRO. It is actually a drink like Red Bull I think. Now I know!!!
I have met a group of people through this endeavor and have really enjoyed the process. I said once booster club was over I was through, but obviously this is just me. If I could find a way to make money by volunteering I would be the happiest person ever. We met tonight at one of my neighbors house and we really just had the best time talking and giving each other a hard time.

This week. HUMMMMMM..... Work has been crazy. Saturday night, Stevie and I are going to Bob's to watch football. Bob's mom and dad and sister will be there. Mark and his family, Rob and his family. Should be a great time. Bob told me today they are going to get Sonny Bryan's BBQ. And of course beer and wine. We will be hanging out with family. I am really looking forward to that. And my boys better win. Yeah, yeah, the Vikings won Monday night.

Wow, Christmas is less than a week away. Here we go again. I bought the things Bob told me Stephen wanted but as usual, I think it is never enough. My kid tells me tonight, "mom, if you just get me new earphones for my Ipod I will be happy". He makes it so easy for me. He never asks for anything. Even though I am sure there are things he would love to have. He just makes all of this so much easier for me. I am a very blessed woman. One day, one day, I will be able to give him the best Christmas ever. On second thought, maybe Christmas is the best ever because the three of us are together and we are happy. I just can't complain too much. God has been so good to me.

A quick story that only means something to me right now. When my mom and my current stepdad married 28 years ago, I remember not long after they were married my mom was sent to Portugal to work. She worked at Vought. She was (I think) the 3rd woman in the history of the company to be sent overseas to work on an airplane. What an opportunity and a compliment too. Well, every night when I would talk to her she would tell me how much she missed Hayes. She just wanted to be home with him. I kept telling her "are you crazy, you have this wonderful opportunity, enjoy it, enjoy Portugal". I now understand what she was feeling. What was I told today, your heart seems to like who the heart likes. That is certainly true. I just thought of this story today when I was thinking about someone else and how much I miss them. :) I will be patient!

TGIF!!!!!!!

2007-12-14T21:49:00.000-06:00

Today, my oil and gas buddy called me to ask how my Friday was going. I told him, 2 1/2 hours left. He laughed and told me he was going home at that time. I think he was rubbing it in. This has been a long & hectic week. We have cut back on staff and it seems all I do is work at work and then come home at night and work some more.
Stephen's friend Andrew stopped by tonight. He told us he got a letter from Baylor for baseball. We were so excited. Stephen was supposed to try out for club ball at Baylor last semester. I think between myself and Andrew we have him talked into doing it for his sophmore semester. He grumbled something about needing to focus on studies so he isn't in debt forever. I accused him of being frugal. I think I know someone else like that too!!!!! Nothing wrong with being frugal, you have to have some fun too! Finding a balance is the key.
When Stephen's friends stop by, they always end up in the kitchen with me. I know, I feed them, but we talk about things that are going on and just have a great time visiting. Now remember, they are on my turf by choice. Seems our conversations always turn to "girl talk". Maybe I'm their Dear Abby. It's great no matter why they are in here with me. I love it.
Not much else to talk about. I worked out tonight. Got to talk to my best friend today. That was wonderful. Oh, I have date tomorrow. I was thinking I didn't have much of a social life this weekend but now..... I have a date with Joseph & Kirky (and his mom). We are going to see Alvin & the Chipmunks at Studio Movie Grill tomorrow at 11:00. They close the theatre for special needs families and children. We did this a few weeks ago and had the best time ever. Can't wait for my date with the two BIG GUYS tomorrow. And secretly... I am looking foward to seeing Alvin & The Chipmunks. How fun is that going to me.
After that, a meeting in the evening with the oil & gas people. Stevie has to drive back to Waco tomorrow to film the basketball game. I told him, once he started doing this they would see how good he is. Now they ask him to work whenever they are shorthanded.
Ok, that is all for today. Oh, a special thank you for the phone call. Made the rest of the day bearable!!!!!

Trying to get through!

2007-12-13T21:52:00.000-06:00

Today was a very stressful day. But now, a glass of wine and some quiet time is helping me to put things back into perspective.
Days like this make me realize I can be very persuasive when certain situations are put in my path. I keep hearing how strong I am, yet I think to myself I don't feel strong today. I need a hug. I need someone to tell me it will be okay. I know it will, but hearing it would help me to be able to take a breath and know it really will.
I was talking with my neighbor last night. During the course of our conversation she said, "honey, how have you survived through all of this and still be able to smile and wake up each day and take on the world. I really didn't have an answer for her. I just said I didn't know. Goes back to my repetitive answer. I guess it is just believing there is nothing out there bigger than me (except God of course).
I know, I am whining right now. Ok, enough. It only hurts for a little while.
Let's talk about some positives today.
My kid is so dang smart. He is working with me now. I have so many excel projects I am behind on. So I tell him, you are going to help me out of this mess. He requires so little training. I just give him the basics, give him the information and next thing you know he is plugging the numbers in and I don't even have to ask him if he balanced. He knows that is part of it. He finished two projects for me today. You rock Stephen.
I finally talked him into having dinner with me and the Baylor group tonight. He didn't want to go and when we got there he didn't want to sit with the students. My goodness, there were 4 girls in that booth. He even said, "my mom misses me so I better sit with her". About 10 minutes later I look over and he is smiling with that million dollar smile, the girls are smiling back at him. I can't even get his attention. He really does not know how handsome he is. God has blessed me with the most incredible child. He knew what he was doing. He knew I would take in every second of everything that kid does and realize he is a gift to me. He is my miracle.
Reminding myself of this makes all the trials today seem so insignificant. I only hope other parents can look at their child they way I look at mine and realize how lucky they are.
Oh! Now I'm driving a Grand Prix. I had to get a rental car today while they try to figure out how to fix mine. After spending about 2 hours with this silly dealership I think I got their attention. I think they will finally take me seriously and try to repair it for good.
I am off to bed. I have not been sleeping well for the past 3 weeks. I think I might actually be able to do that tonight. :)
As to the other matters of the heart. I am still holding fast to my belief. It is meant to be.

My Day

2007-12-12T18:49:00.000-06:00

I have had an unusual day today. I may have let something slip away from me, something that I have waited my life for and normally when I want something I don't walk away, I don't let it get away from me.
I can't really say why I let this happen. My only thought is..... it will come back to me. Something in my gut tells me it will come back. That could be why I am so calm right now. I don't want to reflect on what I had but look forward to what I will have.
When you have so close of a friendship and a too deep a love for someone else it is hard for me to imagine not having a life together with them.
You've heard that saying love is like a butterfly, if you want to know if it belongs to you, set it free. If it comes back then it is yours.
Love is not supposed to be hard. And the love that is shared between the two of us is not hard. So I will wait for that to come back to me.
Have faith Mellie, have faith.

I've been thinking (oh my!)

2007-12-11T19:34:00.000-06:00

I will take this opportunity to update my blog while I await Mister Kelly's homecoming from hanging out with friends. How could he not come home to delicious spaghetti & meatballs dinner!
I have been doing much thinking the past couple of weeks. A good friend of mine (bob) would always tell me "let the game come to you". So, I am going to take his advice. (yes bob, I do listen to you sometimes) I am going to try to be patient, keep smiling and be happy and then wait for the game to come to me. Maybe another way to say this is I am going to have faith. If it is meant to be it will happen. And the result, happiness & friendship forever! No, not a fairy tale. When you know something feels right and is meant to be then the rest is easy.
Tonight Joe and I planned to attend a Christmas party , we were going to get there just before it was over but wanted to attend anyway. I hear Connie can put on a good party. Because I could not find the building we missed out. Maybe if I had a Tom Tom GPS System I would have been able to find it and we would have made it in time. Poor Joe, missed out because his mom can't find her way around town. :)
And this last entry is for those of you that know me and know what kind of mother I am. I got a call today at 4:30. A dinner invitation. At first I thought it was an invitation that included my family. Ok, I will consider that. But as the conversation continued I realized it was not as I first thought. The invitation was for me to have dinner at this persons house and let Stephen watch his brother for the evening. That struck me the wrong way. I am thinking oh my goodness, if you think my son has come home from college to be a caretaker for his brother so I can go out is absolutely insane. I am a bit appalled that a man would take it upon himself to suggest I use my son to watch his brother so he might gain something. Big mistake. Big mistake. It just goes back to what I keep saying. Most of the men I meet have one thing on their agenda. Even to the point of using my kid to make that happen.
I know my level of expectation is very high, but if you don't have values & rules then you end up with dysfunction. My way will work out one day. Just have faith Mellie, just have faith.

Answer to my Question Earlier

2007-12-06T07:20:00.000-06:00

I asked earlier how one knows if a feeling is "true love". The best way to know is to have it taken away from you. Losing your best friend is like losing a part of your body. It hurts. The pain is real. You cry, you can't eat, you don't want to get out of bed.
That is one way to know it is "true love". The best way to know is to be able to share that love with the other person. To be together, grow old together.
Where is the irony of finally, after 47 years finding someone that fits with you. Like a glove. You develop a relationship with him and then realize you have fallen in love with him. Then you lose it. Everyone thinks I am a strong woman, I can handle anything. Today, I am not strong. I am not ok. I need someone to tell me it will be alright. This feeling will go away and I will be able to function again. I guess I need a hug.
Have to go, can't do this right now.

Weekend

2007-12-03T18:10:00.000-06:00

This weekend was alot of fun. I was busy each day. Normailly I like to stay home on the weekends but lately I have just been the social butterfly.
Friday night was with the girls. Saturday I went to a bridal shower. Now anyone that knows me knows I do not like showers. (bridal or baby)
It was fun to see Jenna so grown up. Kirky's mom was there too. Joe's bff is Kirky I was working my magic on her to put Joe and Kirky in the same group home. She is being more stubborn than me. I am not going to give up.
Oh, my day did start out with me running in to a friend at the store. What a wonderful surprise. Then I made a detour to Keller after the shower. Went with David Berry to look at the homes he is building. One was the home he is going to move into this month. The other is the 1.3 million dollar home. Wow...... Over 6,000 sq feet. It will be so beautiful once it is finished.
Sunday I was supposed to take it easy but that didn't happen. I went to church and then work and then lunch with Sonja. Then off to the mall. If it had not been for my shopping buddy, I would have never got what I went for. Next weekend will be just as busy. Saturday is our day trip to Waco. Then back in time to go watch Arlington Bowie vs. Euless Trinity. That is going to be a great game. Ok, I am off to the gym. Have to get in shape so I can look good for the holidays.

My Stevie Boy

2007-12-01T09:03:00.000-06:00

My kid calls me at 10:30 last night. He is talking so fast I can't keep up. Having 4 beers didn't help me either.
He and Brian have managed to recruit the QB from Copperas Cove. He was intended for UH but they think they are the ones that got him to commit to Baylor. Stephen even has a signed letter of intent from the kid.
I heard something about a basketball game, they were on the jumbo tron with their signs, Stephen has some inside people that run that thing.
He said a guy from Rivals took their picture and coaches came up to them after the game asking if they were the ones with the posters.
I will have to get a more accurate accounting of what happened later today when he wakes up.
I asked him if this had anything to do with Art Briles coming to Baylor. He was at UH. I will keep us all updated. Now my kid is a recruiter. I suggested he try that rather than coaching. He said he would think about and get back with me. :) Another words, mom leave me alone.
And I love how every time he calls me he is trying to find a place to park behind the dorm. I hear things like "get out of the way", "if you don't move I will just run over you" or "you jerk, that was my spot". I do not know where he got his lack of patience from. And the apple and the tree are not a factor in this. :)

Night out with the girls

2007-12-01T08:09:00.000-06:00

My girlfriend Tina put together a happy hour get together at Sherlock's. Normally I send my regrets when my friends want to meet at the bar. Been there done that for years and I have come to the conclusion men will say ANYTHING to get what they want.
It is comical to watch them in action. Anyway, I digress.
There was 4 of us there last night. Pam and Denise are black women. When you put the two of them together you are promised an evening of laughing until you jaw hurts.
Pam decided to be me. It was not a very pretty picture. She says I am not a very friendly person and I tend to look like I will kill you if you talk to me. She must be wrong. That is just me concentrating. :)
Now a quick story of vanity. We all agreed we were hungry and the wings looked and smelled good. We would order them and try to be graceful while eating them. Afterall, we were getting looks from men and we wanted keep those coming.
None of us could read the menu and we were not going to put on our glasses either. We struggled for a few minutes and finally I grabbed the waitress. She learned down while I explained that we were older and we couldnt read the menu without pulling out our bifocals. We want wings and I am going to trust she will take care of us. She giggled and said she would.
See, there is always a way to get it done and look like it was so effortless.
Ok, enough about my night out.
Bowie plays Lubbock Coronado. I hope they win. Sonja and I have agreed we are going to the next game no matter where it is. She came up with a great plan. The group of people I have been motorcyling with also fly. I will have to just call in a favor. She is so smart.

How About Them Cowboys

2007-11-30T08:41:00.000-06:00

If you did not watch the game last night then I just have no use for you. It is unamerican to not love football. Especially a game like that!!!!
My Stevie boy called me to tell me he and some guys were going to the Hilton Hotel bar in Waco to watch the game. I think he was just making sure I was okay with that. I told him to try to not get in a bar fight and have a good time. That's my boy!!! Dedicated Cowboy fan. He even text me to let me know he got 15 Wings for $4.06!
I watched the game last night with my friend Sonja. After a couple of glasses of wine we were having a pretty good time. You know, looking at men in tight pants. Kind of sexy. And we both agreed we like dreadlocks.
Well, busy weekend ahead, again. I am going to meet some girlfriends at Sherlock's tonight for happy hour. Saturday is a wedding shower in Denton. May stop by and see a friend in Keller before coming home. And Sunday, I may just take it easy.
Well, that is all for now. I know, I am just too exciting.

Is it Christmas Already - Argh

2007-11-28T14:22:00.000-06:00

Thanksgiving was wonderful. My Stevie boy came home. Joe was a happy camper because he was home. I got to meet my 5 year old niece for the first time. She looks just like her Aunt Mellie. :)
I have to say the whole weekend was wonderful.
A few things happened that were completely unexpected, and I am still not sure what the status of that is. Funny how you can be best friends with someone for years and then you wake up one day and realize you love them. (I am referring to the opposite sex of course)
Is that considered "true love" because it is based simply on your heart because the physical has not even happened yet. I mean, I am physically attracted but have not crossed that line.
I really wish I could like Christmas. I just don't. It has always been a chore for me. I even don't like it enough to fake it for my kids.
I did the obligatory christmas tree, decorations and gifts. Maybe it is because I am a single parent and I never felt like I had enough money to make christmas really special.
Oh well, can't do anything about that now.

Alrighty, guess I will update after Thursday nights football game. That will be an either sad or happy day for sure.

Joe - My Big Guy with Autism.

2007-10-25T21:09:00.000-05:00

Well, it finally hit me like a brick. And with the help of Joe's teacher. He misses his brother. Who would have thought. I didn't think he would care. He has been stalking me like crazy lately. For the past 3 weeks I can't move from one room to another without him following me all around the house. I mentioned this to his teacher. She thought perhaps Joe was missing Stephen and was afraid I would leave him too. On our drive home today I explained to him where Stephen was and what was going on. I even told him Stephen was going to be rich and famous one day and we hope he remembers us when he reaches the top. :)
I know he understood so perhaps he will CHILL out now. I have been dealing with autism for 20 years and still have not figured it out yet. A mystery to me indeed.

Could I be more computer illiterate?

2007-10-24T09:51:00.000-05:00

I told my friend Bob I was going to set up my very own and first time ever blog page. After 2 hours of painful frustration and finally just giving up I realize it is just not worth it.
This morning I get the question. "Did you set up a blog". I have to confess it was just too hard and I couldnt understand how to do anything.
Well, in a matter of 2 minutes or less he sets up his own blog site, then give him 2 more minutes and he finalizes mine.
It just stinks. How can I move on in life if I can't even set up my own blog page.

And one more test

2007-10-24T09:40:00.000-05:00

You see how your page expands as you post info?

Testing 1,2,3

2007-10-24T09:34:00.001-05:00