Christmas Update

Christmas day was absolutely wonderful. We did our new "come & go" food thing. After talking with my mom today, we agreed we had heartburn from eating all of that junk food. :)
Stephen says we need to stick with the Mexican theme since Papa makes the best tacos ever. Every year at my mom's we write down our wish for the next year and put it in a ball. My mom keeps the ball until the next Christmas. We all gather around to read what our wish was a year prior. Last year I wrote "I hope Stephen is doing great in college and Joe is living happily in a group home" I got one wish. I asked for something different this year. Something for myself too. I am hoping my wish will come true.
My "boys" got me a pair of Baylor sweat pants. Stephen forgets his old mom has gained a few pounds and got me a medium sized pant. I was able to squeeze into them but they are tight. He "they" also got a new IPod and a gift cert. to Daired's Spa for $125. I have to wonder where the boy got his money????? This kid is going to be the most incredible husband when he makes that commitment. I honestly can't take any credit for that, I guess I will give that one to Bob.
I have posted a few new photos. I am so giddy about the pic's of me and my boys. They are the most handsome guys I have ever seen. The silly grin on Joe's face and of course Stephen's million dollar smile. I paid good money for that you know!!! The boy sucked on a pacifier and carried a blanket until he was 5 years old. I won't divulge anymore of his secrets at this time.
I have to follow up with this last thought. I keep hearing from my friends how strong I am. What a strong person I am. In many aspects I am. I made a choice when I divorced to raise my boys without bringing men into my home. I did not want my boys exposed to different men and situations that would not be in our best interest. One thing I did do right was get a big brother for Stephen. I have to say that was the best decision I have ever made.
I wonder though, why I am able to have this wonderful feeling of loving someone, but I can't be with them. Maybe I am supposed to be alone. It is so hard for me to let anyone into my heart. I do know my heart and I know that this is something I just don't want to walk away from right now.
I was told by a man once that I am just too nice. He said if I want a man I need to be bitchier. Even if I wanted to, I just can't do that, but it seems he might be right. Men want women that don't want them. I just don't understand that.
Oh, I have a date Friday night. I am going to the Trans Siberian Orchestra with Sonja. We are going to have a great time. And.... A birthday party at some silly honky tonk in Midlothian for my friends 40th birthday party. I have not been dancing in a long time so I will dig out my boots and see what kind of trouble I can get into.
I am still going to HAVE FAITH. I am not ready to say "it's over". I may have to soon, but not today.

Christmas Eve

Here it is, Christmas Eve. I got the presents wrapped, that didn't take long. I should have put Stephen's jacket in a bag, but no, I stuffed it in a box. :) The guitar was delivered late today, whew. I was getting worried. Had to call Bob to make sure all was okay.
Saturday night at the Newhouse's. That was so much fun. I really enjoyed seeing Jim & Kathy again. I got one shot at guitar hero and was horrible. Stephen was my partner and we still got kicked off. I need to practice more. It is still fun.
The Cowboys pulled it off, again. I hope Washington doesn't tear them up.
I had to go work today. I dropped Joe off at DayHab for a few hours, he was having a great time. That gave me time to do what I had to do at work and run to the Mall and grab one more thing.
Stephen and I went to the Candlelight Service this evening. That was nice.

Well, tomorrow morning Santa will have come. Then off to my mom's. We are having a come and go food thing. We have never done this so it should be interesting.
I have done much reflection today, been thinking about someone. Funny how you miss someone so much. It is so hard not to pick up the phone.
Might be because the of Green Bay and Minnesota loss. That would be hard to get over. :)
Alright, off to bed, can't wait to see what Santa brings!

Lessons of Love

Today I was asked what is a soulmate. I know what my definition is but I wanted to be sure what I think is actually the truth. I did a little research.
I googled "what is a soulmate".
Soulmate (or soul mate) is a term sometimes used to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, friendship, love, intimacy, sexuality, and/or compatibility.
Well, I needed to know more, so I googled "affinity".
Affinity in terms of Sociology refers to kinship of spirit, or a natural attraction of feeling of kinship.
Okay, I am still not satisfied. And finally I googled "kindred spirits"
Someone who feels & thinks the the way you do.

My definition: someone who thinks the same thing you are thinking at the same time, enjoys the same things you do, does their laundry the same way you do, thinks about you all the time, gets giddy when they know they are going to see you, feels elated when they sit next to you. I think you get my point.

This is from my heart.... A soulmate doesn't cross one's path but once. Some walk right by it not knowing they may have past up "the one". And then they don't get that opportunity again. Other's are unsure, they just don't know if it will work.

Ok, let's talk about other things. Today I felt like all the work and dedication I give to my job paid off. Myself and another coworker always get a little more of a Christmas bonus than everyone else. Their way of saying, thanks for working 55 hours a week, every week, oh and coming in on Christmas Eve so they don't have to!!! It certainly it a blessing at this time of year. Now I am going to spend it!

Tomorrow night at the Newhouse's. Should be a great time. I am really looking foward to it. I am ready for a Guitar Hero challenge. I know, I really stink at it, but I think I can be good this time. :)

My week so far

My goodness. My head is spinning. The past weekend and this week have been crazy. Let me start with my "date" Saturday. Joe, Kirky, Karen and I had so much fun at the movie. Kirky was watching the movie with such intent. Joe on the other hand, giggled and giggled. I kept saying "Joe, watch the movie". All I got was giggles. We went to Sam's after that. Joe has his routine when we go there, and Kirky was not on board with that. Joseph was so cool in adapting to someone else. Autism day again. Karen and I were just laughing at the two of them.

I went to Austin Monday for a HCS Waiver orientation. That made for a long day, then I had to be at the church by 7:00 for the oil & gas Town Hall meeting. I think it was very successful. Made all the hours of work we have been putting in seem worth it. My friend Brian the chairman does sales but I never knew what he sold. When I talk to him he always says "Hi Mel, let me be your hero". I just reply back, "Brian, I do need a hero", not really know what else to say. I called him Monday to let him know I would be there at 7:00, he asks me again if I will need a Hero. I told him today I WILL need a hero. When I arrive he hands me a can of HIRO. It is actually a drink like Red Bull I think. Now I know!!!
I have met a group of people through this endeavor and have really enjoyed the process. I said once booster club was over I was through, but obviously this is just me. If I could find a way to make money by volunteering I would be the happiest person ever. We met tonight at one of my neighbors house and we really just had the best time talking and giving each other a hard time.

This week. HUMMMMMM..... Work has been crazy. Saturday night, Stevie and I are going to Bob's to watch football. Bob's mom and dad and sister will be there. Mark and his family, Rob and his family. Should be a great time. Bob told me today they are going to get Sonny Bryan's BBQ. And of course beer and wine. We will be hanging out with family. I am really looking forward to that. And my boys better win. Yeah, yeah, the Vikings won Monday night.

Wow, Christmas is less than a week away. Here we go again. I bought the things Bob told me Stephen wanted but as usual, I think it is never enough. My kid tells me tonight, "mom, if you just get me new earphones for my Ipod I will be happy". He makes it so easy for me. He never asks for anything. Even though I am sure there are things he would love to have. He just makes all of this so much easier for me. I am a very blessed woman. One day, one day, I will be able to give him the best Christmas ever. On second thought, maybe Christmas is the best ever because the three of us are together and we are happy. I just can't complain too much. God has been so good to me.

A quick story that only means something to me right now. When my mom and my current stepdad married 28 years ago, I remember not long after they were married my mom was sent to Portugal to work. She worked at Vought. She was (I think) the 3rd woman in the history of the company to be sent overseas to work on an airplane. What an opportunity and a compliment too. Well, every night when I would talk to her she would tell me how much she missed Hayes. She just wanted to be home with him. I kept telling her "are you crazy, you have this wonderful opportunity, enjoy it, enjoy Portugal". I now understand what she was feeling. What was I told today, your heart seems to like who the heart likes. That is certainly true. I just thought of this story today when I was thinking about someone else and how much I miss them. :) I will be patient!

TGIF!!!!!!!

Today, my oil and gas buddy called me to ask how my Friday was going. I told him, 2 1/2 hours left. He laughed and told me he was going home at that time. I think he was rubbing it in. This has been a long & hectic week. We have cut back on staff and it seems all I do is work at work and then come home at night and work some more.
Stephen's friend Andrew stopped by tonight. He told us he got a letter from Baylor for baseball. We were so excited. Stephen was supposed to try out for club ball at Baylor last semester. I think between myself and Andrew we have him talked into doing it for his sophmore semester. He grumbled something about needing to focus on studies so he isn't in debt forever. I accused him of being frugal. I think I know someone else like that too!!!!! Nothing wrong with being frugal, you have to have some fun too! Finding a balance is the key.
When Stephen's friends stop by, they always end up in the kitchen with me. I know, I feed them, but we talk about things that are going on and just have a great time visiting. Now remember, they are on my turf by choice. Seems our conversations always turn to "girl talk". Maybe I'm their Dear Abby. It's great no matter why they are in here with me. I love it.
Not much else to talk about. I worked out tonight. Got to talk to my best friend today. That was wonderful. Oh, I have date tomorrow. I was thinking I didn't have much of a social life this weekend but now..... I have a date with Joseph & Kirky (and his mom). We are going to see Alvin & the Chipmunks at Studio Movie Grill tomorrow at 11:00. They close the theatre for special needs families and children. We did this a few weeks ago and had the best time ever. Can't wait for my date with the two BIG GUYS tomorrow. And secretly... I am looking foward to seeing Alvin & The Chipmunks. How fun is that going to me.
After that, a meeting in the evening with the oil & gas people. Stevie has to drive back to Waco tomorrow to film the basketball game. I told him, once he started doing this they would see how good he is. Now they ask him to work whenever they are shorthanded.
Ok, that is all for today. Oh, a special thank you for the phone call. Made the rest of the day bearable!!!!!

Trying to get through!

Today was a very stressful day. But now, a glass of wine and some quiet time is helping me to put things back into perspective.
Days like this make me realize I can be very persuasive when certain situations are put in my path. I keep hearing how strong I am, yet I think to myself I don't feel strong today. I need a hug. I need someone to tell me it will be okay. I know it will, but hearing it would help me to be able to take a breath and know it really will.
I was talking with my neighbor last night. During the course of our conversation she said, "honey, how have you survived through all of this and still be able to smile and wake up each day and take on the world. I really didn't have an answer for her. I just said I didn't know. Goes back to my repetitive answer. I guess it is just believing there is nothing out there bigger than me (except God of course).
I know, I am whining right now. Ok, enough. It only hurts for a little while.
Let's talk about some positives today.
My kid is so dang smart. He is working with me now. I have so many excel projects I am behind on. So I tell him, you are going to help me out of this mess. He requires so little training. I just give him the basics, give him the information and next thing you know he is plugging the numbers in and I don't even have to ask him if he balanced. He knows that is part of it. He finished two projects for me today. You rock Stephen.
I finally talked him into having dinner with me and the Baylor group tonight. He didn't want to go and when we got there he didn't want to sit with the students. My goodness, there were 4 girls in that booth. He even said, "my mom misses me so I better sit with her". About 10 minutes later I look over and he is smiling with that million dollar smile, the girls are smiling back at him. I can't even get his attention. He really does not know how handsome he is. God has blessed me with the most incredible child. He knew what he was doing. He knew I would take in every second of everything that kid does and realize he is a gift to me. He is my miracle.
Reminding myself of this makes all the trials today seem so insignificant. I only hope other parents can look at their child they way I look at mine and realize how lucky they are.
Oh! Now I'm driving a Grand Prix. I had to get a rental car today while they try to figure out how to fix mine. After spending about 2 hours with this silly dealership I think I got their attention. I think they will finally take me seriously and try to repair it for good.
I am off to bed. I have not been sleeping well for the past 3 weeks. I think I might actually be able to do that tonight. :)
As to the other matters of the heart. I am still holding fast to my belief. It is meant to be.

My Day

I have had an unusual day today. I may have let something slip away from me, something that I have waited my life for and normally when I want something I don't walk away, I don't let it get away from me.
I can't really say why I let this happen. My only thought is..... it will come back to me. Something in my gut tells me it will come back. That could be why I am so calm right now. I don't want to reflect on what I had but look forward to what I will have.
When you have so close of a friendship and a too deep a love for someone else it is hard for me to imagine not having a life together with them.
You've heard that saying love is like a butterfly, if you want to know if it belongs to you, set it free. If it comes back then it is yours.
Love is not supposed to be hard. And the love that is shared between the two of us is not hard. So I will wait for that to come back to me.
Have faith Mellie, have faith.

I've been thinking (oh my!)

I will take this opportunity to update my blog while I await Mister Kelly's homecoming from hanging out with friends. How could he not come home to delicious spaghetti & meatballs dinner!
I have been doing much thinking the past couple of weeks. A good friend of mine (bob) would always tell me "let the game come to you". So, I am going to take his advice. (yes bob, I do listen to you sometimes) I am going to try to be patient, keep smiling and be happy and then wait for the game to come to me. Maybe another way to say this is I am going to have faith. If it is meant to be it will happen. And the result, happiness & friendship forever! No, not a fairy tale. When you know something feels right and is meant to be then the rest is easy.
Tonight Joe and I planned to attend a Christmas party , we were going to get there just before it was over but wanted to attend anyway. I hear Connie can put on a good party. Because I could not find the building we missed out. Maybe if I had a Tom Tom GPS System I would have been able to find it and we would have made it in time. Poor Joe, missed out because his mom can't find her way around town. :)
And this last entry is for those of you that know me and know what kind of mother I am. I got a call today at 4:30. A dinner invitation. At first I thought it was an invitation that included my family. Ok, I will consider that. But as the conversation continued I realized it was not as I first thought. The invitation was for me to have dinner at this persons house and let Stephen watch his brother for the evening. That struck me the wrong way. I am thinking oh my goodness, if you think my son has come home from college to be a caretaker for his brother so I can go out is absolutely insane. I am a bit appalled that a man would take it upon himself to suggest I use my son to watch his brother so he might gain something. Big mistake. Big mistake. It just goes back to what I keep saying. Most of the men I meet have one thing on their agenda. Even to the point of using my kid to make that happen.
I know my level of expectation is very high, but if you don't have values & rules then you end up with dysfunction. My way will work out one day. Just have faith Mellie, just have faith.

Answer to my Question Earlier

I asked earlier how one knows if a feeling is "true love". The best way to know is to have it taken away from you. Losing your best friend is like losing a part of your body. It hurts. The pain is real. You cry, you can't eat, you don't want to get out of bed.
That is one way to know it is "true love". The best way to know is to be able to share that love with the other person. To be together, grow old together.
Where is the irony of finally, after 47 years finding someone that fits with you. Like a glove. You develop a relationship with him and then realize you have fallen in love with him. Then you lose it. Everyone thinks I am a strong woman, I can handle anything. Today, I am not strong. I am not ok. I need someone to tell me it will be alright. This feeling will go away and I will be able to function again. I guess I need a hug.
Have to go, can't do this right now.

Weekend

This weekend was alot of fun. I was busy each day. Normailly I like to stay home on the weekends but lately I have just been the social butterfly.
Friday night was with the girls. Saturday I went to a bridal shower. Now anyone that knows me knows I do not like showers. (bridal or baby)
It was fun to see Jenna so grown up. Kirky's mom was there too. Joe's bff is Kirky I was working my magic on her to put Joe and Kirky in the same group home. She is being more stubborn than me. I am not going to give up.
Oh, my day did start out with me running in to a friend at the store. What a wonderful surprise. Then I made a detour to Keller after the shower. Went with David Berry to look at the homes he is building. One was the home he is going to move into this month. The other is the 1.3 million dollar home. Wow...... Over 6,000 sq feet. It will be so beautiful once it is finished.
Sunday I was supposed to take it easy but that didn't happen. I went to church and then work and then lunch with Sonja. Then off to the mall. If it had not been for my shopping buddy, I would have never got what I went for. Next weekend will be just as busy. Saturday is our day trip to Waco. Then back in time to go watch Arlington Bowie vs. Euless Trinity. That is going to be a great game. Ok, I am off to the gym. Have to get in shape so I can look good for the holidays.

My Stevie Boy

My kid calls me at 10:30 last night. He is talking so fast I can't keep up. Having 4 beers didn't help me either.
He and Brian have managed to recruit the QB from Copperas Cove. He was intended for UH but they think they are the ones that got him to commit to Baylor. Stephen even has a signed letter of intent from the kid.
I heard something about a basketball game, they were on the jumbo tron with their signs, Stephen has some inside people that run that thing.
He said a guy from Rivals took their picture and coaches came up to them after the game asking if they were the ones with the posters.
I will have to get a more accurate accounting of what happened later today when he wakes up.
I asked him if this had anything to do with Art Briles coming to Baylor. He was at UH. I will keep us all updated. Now my kid is a recruiter. I suggested he try that rather than coaching. He said he would think about and get back with me. :) Another words, mom leave me alone.
And I love how every time he calls me he is trying to find a place to park behind the dorm. I hear things like "get out of the way", "if you don't move I will just run over you" or "you jerk, that was my spot". I do not know where he got his lack of patience from. And the apple and the tree are not a factor in this. :)

Night out with the girls

My girlfriend Tina put together a happy hour get together at Sherlock's. Normally I send my regrets when my friends want to meet at the bar. Been there done that for years and I have come to the conclusion men will say ANYTHING to get what they want.
It is comical to watch them in action. Anyway, I digress.
There was 4 of us there last night. Pam and Denise are black women. When you put the two of them together you are promised an evening of laughing until you jaw hurts.
Pam decided to be me. It was not a very pretty picture. She says I am not a very friendly person and I tend to look like I will kill you if you talk to me. She must be wrong. That is just me concentrating. :)
Now a quick story of vanity. We all agreed we were hungry and the wings looked and smelled good. We would order them and try to be graceful while eating them. Afterall, we were getting looks from men and we wanted keep those coming.
None of us could read the menu and we were not going to put on our glasses either. We struggled for a few minutes and finally I grabbed the waitress. She learned down while I explained that we were older and we couldnt read the menu without pulling out our bifocals. We want wings and I am going to trust she will take care of us. She giggled and said she would.
See, there is always a way to get it done and look like it was so effortless.
Ok, enough about my night out.
Bowie plays Lubbock Coronado. I hope they win. Sonja and I have agreed we are going to the next game no matter where it is. She came up with a great plan. The group of people I have been motorcyling with also fly. I will have to just call in a favor. She is so smart.